There was a time in my life when I feared being alone. I feared being alone as if being alone was intolerable and unacceptable. Being alone scared me because I had grown so attached to the idea of someone needing me, and even more attached the idea of needing someone else.
I was in a relationship for a few years. In that time, I was the happiest I have ever been. To this day, it still hurts me to think of how that relationship no longer exists. It’s hard for me to admit that, but it’s true. The sadness that has come from the absence of that person in my life has at times been overwhelming and consuming. But, I’m still growing, still learning and changing.
In my process of developing, I’ve come to accept that I cannot go through life fearing solitude.
Through my reading and experiences in nature, I have finally found a place of comfort in my own solitude. I find comfort in hiking and exploring new places. Not only do I enjoy this, but I enjoy being by myself. My place of wildness is the ocean, which is calm, quiet, and peaceful. Here, I feel as if I can deal with all the emotions inside of me and around me whether it be sadness, happiness, fear, excitement or anger. I’ve accepted who I am and what I feel.
I’ve accepted that, from the moment we are born, to the moment we die, we are alone. Which to many people, seems ominous and scary, like I once thought. But when you think about it, it’s not like that at all. Being alone is not a bad thing, or something to be afraid of. I strive to fill my life with people, such as friends and family, that make me happy. I hope I make them happy. If everyone is alone, we must learn to be alone, together.
There are things I wish I could change. And, as hard as I’ve tried to change them, I’ve learned that I can’t. If something is meant to be, it will be. And if it’s not meant to be, then it will not be.
Do not fear solitude. Embrace it. Learn to be able to enjoy the company of your own thoughts.
If nothing else, find your place of peace and happiness. I promise you it’s worth it.